sometimes.

sometimes..
i wonder if going to uni was the right choice.
i lose track of the reason why i'm in uni.
for one, i can't write essays for nuts.
and i hate writing essays.
essay writing is a chore and nothing productive really comes out of it.

i think subconciously, i feel the stress of being around smart pple all the time.
and they're not just smart, they're hardworking - killer combi.
and me? i'm not smart and certainly not hardworking.

like i know there's this little voice inside my head that keeps yelling "study! study! study!" but the thing is, i'm so way behind that i dunnoe where to start, dunnoe how to begin. and so, i rather run frm reality and end up slacking even more. and i know i'm going to die when exams come.

my stats results is testimony to my less then enthusiastic attitude towards school and my level of intelligence, or lack of it. but at the end of the day, its not just about doing your best but its how do you be the best out of THE best?

cos NUS is filled with lots of smart people. really really smart people. and i think because they are so smart, they don't just rely on lecture notes, they go to the library and read EXTRA notes. and the best part is, they have to juggle teaching tuition and school and a social life.

me? i'm more obsessed with having fun. sometimes i get all the zest to start mugging everyday frm now till the final exams but i can't seem to do it. i think its my mindset. like how i think its ok to screw up my grades in nus cos i can always waste one sem and wait for smu biz next yr. i know its stupid la. but i'm stupid what.