And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. -- Matthew 6:5

Checked teletext news yest. its confirmed. Friday at 2.30 and the selection of JCs, CIs, Polys and ITEs will be frm the following day, 8 am to wednesday 4pm. freaky. surprisingly, am not that scared of my results. its either i go poly or jc. period. unless i dont do well for my english.

can we appeal to polys? cos i was thinking if i cant enter JC, i'l just go to NYP and do molecular biotech. but my l1r2b2 must be 14 and below so if i dont get 14 and below, im a goner. dont wanna take nething else besides biotech. sighh. and if i really wanna enter jc, its another prob. lets say if i wanna enter NYJ, but my points do not allow me to enter, i have to go straight to the sch tmr to appeal. which is madness. arghh. whats done is done. just hope for the best and expect the worse. just let me get 20 pts and below, i'l be the happiest girl on earth. i just wanna do well now. dammit. got tan family gathering on sat. bad bad bad. this is gonna be so bad. how can i face `em if i do badly? ahhh! shit sheet shet!! -fainting- a'ight. am starting to worry a little.

anyways, went to church yest cos it was ash wed. saw daryl and joel. i think i have a small crush on joel. just a small itsy teeny weeny bit. u know the feeling when a certain person reminds u of ya crush? yeah.. that feeling. he reminds me of a certain someone. oh god, pls dont let gladys or vinnie know about this. can imagine the look on their faces and `em going, i told u. still dare deny. oh puh lease! give it up already. its just a smalll small crush. end of story. and i hate going up to receive communion exspecially when i know that certain altar boy. its so un-nice. just got this undescribable feeling that makes me feel all wierd and stuff.. -shiver-

i think i miss ______. u fill in the blank. not sure why. just do. been thinking about him quite a bit lately. for funn. hahas.

yesterday was sooo exciting!! other than the durian incident. sam msged me and told me that auntie eileen was on tv hahas. my dad was so excited he wanted to record it. what the hell. watched the news at 10. CNA showed the news report 1st. the thing about the windows. hahas saw my auntie putting her clothes out to dry. so expected. my cousin was the reporter for the news and she also appeared on tv. yvonne cheong wee wee! hahhas

then switched to channel 8. was expecting to hear smth wei wei bao dao but its some1 else. some chinese reporter. this time, got to hear my auntie speak in chinese! hahas could see she was struggling with her chi. couldnt find the right word to use hahahas so funny!

yupps. aft that, i went to look for my pink blankie cos my brown blankie is still wet. stupid daddy. knew he kept it somewhere but he just didnt wanna tell me. looked high and low for my blankie. my fingers got caught between the drawer shelf. damn unlucky kays. was crying when i couldnt find it anywhere. decided to look thru my parents' cupboard. it was in my daddy's cupboard! he tricked me! that liar! still dare to laugh somemore. that meanie. okays. wanna go take a shit hahahas

initially thought i wouldnt blog today since nth much happened. i was wrong. spas. tried to help my mum bring in her clothes frm the balcony. fuck. then i dropped my blankie aka dirty towel with flakes. it dropped to the 5th floor. nice. whats worse i got so scared i would lose my blanket 4eva, i wanted to run downstairs.

got so excited i forgot that there were durians behind me so wham! my feet grazed the durian shell. bloody hell. 6 holes on my right heel plus blood flowing out. faster ran down w/o my shoes on to get my blanket back. only realised the pain when i was on my way up. was so bloody pissed with myself. this is the 1st time i wash my blanket and its all for nth. had to rewash. damn. now my fingers are aching. shant talk. too pissed.

Britney Spears - Toxic

Baby can't you see
I'm calling
A guy like you should wear a warning
It's dangerous
I'm falling
There's no escape
I can't wait
I need a hit
Baby give me it
You're dangerous
I'm loving it

Too high, can't come down
Losing my head
Spinning 'round and 'round
Do you feel me now

With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic, I'm slipping under
Tasting the poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic
And I love what you do
Don't you know that you're toxic

It's getting late to give you up
I took a sip
From my devil cup
Slowly taking over me

Too high, can't come down
It's in the air
And it's all around
Can you feel me now?

With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic, I'm slipping under
Tasting the poison paradise
I'm additcted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic
And I love what you do
Don't you know that you're toxic

With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic, I'm slipping under
Tasting the poison paradise
I'm additcted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic
And I love what you do
Don't you know that you're toxic

With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic, I'm slipping under
Tasting the poison paradise
I'm additcted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic
And I love what you do
Don't you know that you're toxic

Intoxicate me now
With your loving now
I think I'm ready now
Intoxicate me now
With your loving now
I think I'm ready now

Im not obsessed with britney spears. i just like certain songs.

dad's at home today so that means i cant watch tv or else he'l start nagging and nagging and nagging. urkk. cant stand him. thank god i got my basic theory driving book and crossword puzzle to keep me occupied. got to help pet with her blogskin. shes got a blog now. made her make one yesterday. thought of wierd names for her webbay add. like blinkblink but that was already used. so now shes using pinktwisties! hahahas she lurves pink and she lurve twisties.

was just rmbering what aunty evelyn said yesterday about guys usually having better ball sense. Like duhhh. they have 2 balls born with `em a'ight? so technically speaking, they shd have better ball sense than girls. besides, boobs cant be considered as balls. and even if they are, we girls only got `em during puberty so boys still have better ball sense.... but we'l see...

smth wrng with my spongebob sqpants template. so decided to change to a new one. spent a good 3 hrs plus on the damn template. why? take a look at the drastic change in templates between my present one and the original one. big change. the pic is frm my cousin's gf, victoria friendster pic. cool huh. sexxayyy. tried to change the pink cos thought it was too pink. jah. yes, first time smth's too pinky for me to take. but this pink is seriously hard to match so decided to give up and stick to the original.

went to christ the king church for mass today cos vinnie has some signing out thingy at church and my mum had to go cos she was his godmum and she made me tag along. oh wells.. me and vanessa sat behind while the both of them sat infront. hahas think the pple arnd me and pet must have thought i was an overgrown child cos me and pet were playing that thumb war thing hahahahs and while sining the our father i just burst out laughing at vanessa. a few pple were staring but who cares! yupps. dad came to ctk later to bring us go sembawang country club to eat. my dadday's sista were there for their weekly sunday gathering.

the food's not bad. didnt like the mee goreng tho`. ack. aft that saw an arcade so we went in and played 5dollars worth of games. played 2 rounds of car racing with pet. i won of cos. then played puzzle bobble with vinnie. hahas i won too. the whole time my dad was rushing me to go learn golf. lac lahh. was a bit hesitant at 1st cos i was scared they wll laugh at me what. ohya, aunty evelyn is teaching me and sam, how bad is she? is she that fierce? or whatever whatever? cos she's gonna call me go learn golf again. she'l teach me again. is that good or bad?

anyways, vin and i picked up a bit about golfing. like how to hold the club. how to swing the club. how to position yaself. what must ya posture be and how good my other cousins are. yvonne is learning too! so good! more company! golf is fun. see when's the next time aunty evelyn call me go play golf again. hahas i was actually quite good at 1st know. at least my 1st try i could hit the golf ball. only aft my dad said i had no strength and blah blah i lost my form. missed the ball 3 times in a row. finally managed to hit and the golf ball just rolled down hahahahas dad says thats not bowling... whatever. newbie what. is considered excellent already kays hahahas.

Yesterday.
aft novena, went with sam to meet T2 at PS. kel wanted to go buy felt and stuffing to make cushions for her CT b4 the o lvl results are out. yupps. then watched along came polly. certain parts were totally disgusting. hahahas like that scuba nudist guy hhahahahs and his hippo story. we were sitting on the 1st row! can u imagine how much torture my neck and eyes had to go thru? was sooo bad. could hardly see their facial expressions. hate sitting in the front row. u cant get much of the show. ate arnd 9+. some grilled chix rice. perfect. loved it. it costs only 3.80 yummay!

went to ezone aft that and played car racing again. i was 2nd for the 1st rnd then 3rd. aft tthat, played 4 games of that puck thing hahahas was super fun exspecially when they had that puck madness thing when 3 pucks will suddenly just shoot out and u got to faster shoot it into ya opponents puckpost hahahahs had lotsa fun playing. only couldnt help laughing when we 1st played it. laughed so much that we lost the 1st game. paired with em for the 1st 2 games. then paired with sam and we lost. last game, i paired with kel and we won! yay! hahas i was screaming quite alot hahas aft playing had to rush back cos it was already 10+ and besides, lotsa pple were waiting to play. that game was actually quite stagnant cos maybe pple thought it was boring but aft we started playing, lotsa pple came to see us play and were actually waiting for us to finish our game so they could play hahas we gave the puck game business!

kays.. cant really think straight. did alot of html work today. and ohya, my emergancy exits aka my links are up there. quite neat huh.

i want my driving license!!

michelle went home yest but b4 that, she brought me and vanessa out. she bought for me this basic theory driving book cos i was talking to her about cars and stuff. then she say since im so interested in learning how to drive, she bought the book for me frm popular. went to crystal jade to have lunch. the fried rice is superb. spent about 30 plus dollars. then we went to causeway to shop.

the aussino at causeway sucks. nth much. so got micheele to lend me her membership card cos now all members get a 40% discount on everything. cool huh. really wanna get some nice bedsheet. i wurve my room! deciding to change my bed. dont like the design of my bed. and my bed feels small. even tho` its a queen. hahas =P

ayhhs. there's nth much to update on since i didnt really do nething. am too tired to update neway. oh and im not going to conrad nemore. decided its still early to work. and i shd get meself more certs to throw at those china bastard faces b4 i enter the working industry. shall make them kiss my feet. bwahahahhas

woke up squeezing pus out frm my riight eye. was totally g.r.o.s.s. thank god it wasnt pain or else i would have cried like sheet. cried today when i visited the gynae. had to do ultrascan thingy again. damn. could see my cervix. at least thats what i think it is. was so embarrassed. shant go into the details. dont think i want to either.

anyways.. had to take a blood test. check my hormones or smth. fuck. they couldnt find my vein. my vein sorta diasppeared. so i had to get my blood sucked out frm the side of my right wrist. was sooo scared i cried b4 the needle even went in. kept shouting at my mum, asking her to talk. fuck. could feel the needle below my skin. was disgusting. excrutiating. got so nervous all my blood went up and the needle couldnt get any blood. urkk. could feel the needle trying to suck up more blood. think the whole process took more than 5 mins. decided to start bretahing to get me relaxed and my blood to start flowing normally.

mum said i scared the entire clinic with my shoutings and stuff. like so? thats their bloody problem, not mine. but i couldnt really feel my hand aft that. was kinda spas.couldnt even carry my bag. ohya ohya! my cousin michelle is staying over at my place. shes staying now. wahhs squeezing with me and pet on my bed. die die die.okays. shant be sooo bad. wanna go drink some water. all the blood taken out has caused me to be thirsty. okay stef stop being crappy. well, ta~

kel pon sch today. came over to my place cos she couldnt let her mum know she wasnt going to sch. so she came to my place at 6 plus in the morning. couldnt sleep at 1st. yet, sleeping beauty ended up waking up at 11+. nice nice. kel woke up at 10. she came to my house and slept again hahas.

watched Taxi 2. then ordered KFC. whole home delivery thing costs 14.95.. cheap. was eating when vanessa called. begging me to fetch her frm her daycare cos she cant stand being in the daycare blah blah. she hates the teachers there. so aft eating, persuaded kel to go with me go pick her. had to borrow more money frm kel to go pick vanessa. took a taxi there and back. total waste of money. oh wells..

reached home and watched 2 fast 2 furious. ya! like whats with all the car movies? hmms, am not sure either. then vacuumed the floor while vanessa mop and kel watched house on haunted hill. kel caught the 530 shuttle bus back. went swimming arnd 6ish and got back nearly 8. just in time to catch police and thief. lets go! G O go! yupps. watched tv till 10 and am now slacking infront of my comp. -yawn-

shall go watch meteor garden. oh wait, there's meet my folks at 11. Yays! and i feel wierd. am supposed 2 get all nervous about my results but heh, i dont feel a thing at all. wierd wierd. hopefully i'l get 10! hahas. or maybe not.. ack! touch wood! sighh. no jc then go poly. theres always plan B. if im going poly, im gonna do molecular biotech at nyp. shd be fun. hopefully.

oh and peng,
am not sure why conrad wants more pple. too much money i guess. or they want more singaporeans than china chinese. eech. that china girl's chinese is still haunting me. freaky. goosebumps all over my body. die girl die. corrode vital anatomy corrode!!

deleted some stuff frm my wishlist. think its rubbish.

stuff i wanna do.

go on a group trip to australia. no parents allowed.

go hiking.

try wakeboarding.

go scubadiving.

Today.
was supposed to vacuum and mop the floor but i decided to clear my cupboard instead. real messy. spent half a morning and afternoon on my cupboard. used all the hangers and now my cupboard is spanking clean but there's hardly any space left since ive hung all the clothes i left lying around. wow. and i was beginning to wonder i had v little clothes. filled both my cupboards to the max. great. spent the whole day multi tasking by clearing my cupboard and watching meteor garden. cool eh.

Yesterday.
went to church, chinese mass. played alot with vanessa. still dont understand whats going on for mass. oh wells. spent the entire aft sleeping cos i hardly slept the night b4 and i accompanied my mum to sheng siong aft church. woke up at 6+ for dinner then we decided to go to the pasar malam arnd yishun mrt cos dad didnt wanna go to the metro sale at marina.

Saturday.
ah! depressing and agonising. yups. these 2 words describe exactly how i felt when i was going to conrad by myself. totally dperssing. darren suddenly couldnt make it and i was left strnded all alone by myself. argh. he didnt even bother to tell me why he wasnt coming. was practically dying. wanted to drag my feet all the way there but i was running out of time to even brisk walk. talked to peng on the way there. she helped abit with easing the tension. wanted to cry when i was arnd suntec. so didnt know how to cut over to conrad. nearly peed in my skirt when i was nearing conrad. yes, it was that bad. had to find my way to the carpark to get to teh staff entrance which i had no idea how. was sooo nervous that i went straight up to the manager at the hotel entrance and asked where the crapark was. nice try. it was right infront of me. went in the crapark, couldnt find the entrance to the staff area. shit! was soooo gonna cry. kept praying to god, asking him to help me. alas! found it! went and check in with the security guard. bloody hell. say i newcomer so kalan kabo... whatver.

went to get my clothes. had only a few mins left to 2 and veron said to not be late. riight. good luck stef. changed at super fast speed. but damn! the top was too big. had to change back to my clothes and get an S. spas china girls att he toilet were bloody mean. asked them whether they were new and whether they could wait for me while i was changing. they went, aw. and when i came out, they left! was cursing `em in my brain. i hope an exspecially vital part of their anatomy corrodes. ahhh, much better now. realised i was so nervous i forgot to change to my court shoes. no wonder some of the pple were staring at my feet.

reached 2nd floor. wow. loads of pple. faster got to one side and changed my shoes. saw lots of china girls again. equally mean. they seem shock to know that i was singaporean. right. like thats the surprise of the century. doesnt mean if the place is packed with foreigners, it doesnt mean a certain singaporean cant work there and hopefully snatch their rice bowls. i hate `em. i hate `em. i hate `em. then had to stuff my bag into the locker, fortunatley with the help of this kind guy who told me to stuff my key all the way into the lock. still couldnt open the locker. he had to help me open it. 3 malay girls came in. apparently they were lao jiaos in this area. have worked there for more than 5 times. lucky there was this malay girl who waited for me to bring me to the Grand Salon, the place we were having our hotel orientation. aft that, she sat with the guys and i was made to sit next to some china girl. eech. was practically rolling my eyes. the whole time i sat there by myself frm 2-330. hearing this lady called ashley frm conrad's HR dept talk while at the same time having to tolerate the oh so terrible china accent frm that stupid chatty chinagirl next to me. i sooo0ooo wanted to slap her face and scream a fuck u into her ear. was totally annoying. there was this guy on my left. quite cute. name's joseph. didnt talk to him tho`. another lao jiao. had this prob with lao jiaos. hated `em.

luckily b4 the orientation, i made friends with this chinagirl called LuLu. talked more to her during the 10 min break we had. conrad offered tea and coffee. didnt like either. so decided to not drink at all even tho` i was god damn thirsty. Lulu is 21 and she has a bf. boy did i had lotsa probs trying to talk to her. i was so erms ___ blahh. u guys fill in the blanks. cant find a word to describe how i felt.

whole orientation was crappy. was soo tired and sleepy. had to find ways and means to keep my eyes open. but its quite worth it since im paid 24 bucks just to sit there and here them talk and talk and talk. the banquet director got us to stand up and take a look at the dinner table they set up for us. had to spot the difference between a malay dinner, chinese dinner, wastern dinner and buffet. wasnt really paying attention. was the only one leaning on the wall. think i was the most bo chup one there. oh, who cares. the whole time i was asking myself why am i putting myself thru such agony. its not like i dont have money in my pockets or my hands filled with money when they are empty. was regretting quite a bit. okay, maybe alot.

the whole thingy ended at 530. so that banquet director, steven lim, whol looks like jerald, thought us how to fold that fan shape napkin. and oooh i know how to fold a tuxedo napkin. really cool. had to fold the napkin for all the tables. they were gonna have a wedding later on at night. finished arnd 6+ then went to collect my voucher. saw darren. veron called him to come back at 6 for the wedding dinner. went to the cafeteria with Lulu to eat. the food is free. hahas. then changed my clothes and went back with Lulu and this other china guy who is married to some china girl. yes, ive got a prob with china pple now. found a shortcut to city hall mrt. much faster way. so while i was just following the two china pple and hearing `em talk the china chinese, something poked me. was andrew and jolene! they were out shopping. was soo0oo glad i saw `em that i left those 2 chinese by themselves without saying bye. followed the two of `em to suntec where they ate at secret recipe and i drank my frosty watermelon juice which was good. then they got to go. was walking alot. followed them all the way back to city hall station then walked all the way to marina square by myself and then to millenia to meet kel. aft that, went home to sleep.

Friday.
NY crash. hid in the new canteen with vinnie while em and kel were having their usual morning ceremony. then joined kel for GP tutorial. Mr Tong hahas their GP tutor is soo funny and he behaves like Billy Bong frm living with Lydia. loved his lesson even tho` it was one of his skills lessons instead of his content lessons. it was supposed to be boring compared to his other lessons but nevertheless, i still liked it.

went for maths lecture on binomial theorem. quite ez to catch up. then went to the canteen with kels friends, li xuan, si tong and jonathan. em and kel had econs test. i ate wanton noodles. was regretting not ordering dumpling noodles cos i dont eat that red meat thing. the whole time vinnie was crapping. telling me alot of stuff about YJ and his family. keeping me edutained. laughed alot. kel ate with her friends while em sat with us. em brought us to the library aft that. then had to meet kel for bio lect. wahhs. nearly died. had to memorise all the stuff on her powerpoint slide in 3 mins. was v dead by that time. wasnt in the mood for nething. so asking me to memorise was a total killer. my eyes felt so heavy and i was soo drowsy.

aft that, rushed to the gallery to meet em for GP tutorial. mr tong saw us again. he kept asking us whether we would felt bored since he was gonna do the same thing as he did in the morn. told him to continue with his lesson. vinnie's pri sch good friend was in em's CT. raymond low. ohya, em's friend daniel used the russian they learnt frm their chi teacher on us. think thats about it for NY. cant rmb..

saturday already. hotel orientation today. am v v v scared. like really scared. spastic darren. told him i could make it only at 110 cos of my shuttle bus and he wants to leave 1st. what the hell. no0oo. i will nv wanna be caught stranded alone by myself. uh uh no way. leaving my house at 1230 to rush for the shuttle bus. then shall slowly stroll to the mrt to meet darren at 1. he nv reply me. fuck. im like bloody nervous already. and this is the kinda attitude i get? it makes me feel even worse. butterflies all over my body. urkk. hopefully can find some newbie and click with her.

sighhh. if only kel and em can come join me. but kel's going out and em has church. i so0o do not wanna be alone. scared i dont know the procedures. like how to enter the staff entrance and sign my name and get my pass frm the security guard and take my temp blah blah blah. then where to change into my uniform. and am i actually supposed to wear my stockings, black shoes, bun up my hair and put on makeup? arghhh. its killing me. am so so so scared. i hate you i hate you i hate you

a'ight.
long day today. gave junior tuition. wow. his chinese is the pits. his basics aint even there yet so was just wastign my time trying to teach him the 1st page of his chi TB. thought him all the pang2. like si zi pang, ti shou pang, san dian shui blah blah ask him to spot the words and blahh blahh. back to basics.

veron called me. hotel orientation this sat frm 2-6; and she said there was no training during the interview.. riight.. got me all worried and stuff for nth. okays. conrad all the way! stop stef. stop being spas. kays. got my holland v to catch so ta~ pple

apparently, most of the americans are laughing at william hung's surname cos hung means penis hahahas

the pictures.

stupid andrew keeps saying i look like an aunty. fine. whatever. i know. quit repeating.

pictures up here

decided to take out the pictures. all cant be seem now.

Full Name: stefanie tan dash dash =0)

Sex: girl.

Screen Name: its always changing.

Pets: my dad says i'l kill it ifi have one. oh well..

Height: 155 and growing (=

Hair Color: black, brown, red and golden.

Eye Color: dark brown, i think.

Writing Hand: ambidexterous.. i wish! am right


-BODY ILLS AND SKILLS-

Nervous Habits: shivering and tummyache

Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? nope. em can.

Can you blow smoke rings? dont want my lungs getting choked with smoke so thats a no no.


-CLOTHES-

What goes on first, bra or underwear? my panties!

Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? hahas no but im dying to try. will most probably throw it at pet hahas


-FOOD-

Do you wind your spaghetti or cut it? stuff it. into my mouth.

Have you ever eaten Spam? guess so. i don't watch my mum cook.

Favorite Ice Cream? chocolate!

How many cereals in your cabinet? none. mum wanted to be oreo for me yest but didnt.

What's your favorite beverage? am quite okay with everything. i think.

What utensils do you use to eat pizza? forks and knife. kinda spas when i can use my hands instead.


-GROOMING-

How long does your shower last? if im in a hurry, 5. if i got all the time in the world, 20.

Hair drying method? towel.

Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? nope. like it teh way it is. eau de naturale.

If that fountain of youth existed, would you drink it? not sure. show me it exists first. then, i'l decided. have we got a deal?

Would you rather have genital herpes or be 50 lbs? fifty lbs. its wiser to screw someone who's 50lbs then someone with genital herpes. urkk. that would be so grooosssss.

-MANNERS-

Do you swear? do u see saints swearing? hahas

Do you ever spit? only when i got phlegm start in my throat. totally disgusting.


-WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE...

Animal: black panther.

Food: oriental and western?

Month: october. ahem!

Day: not sure.

Cartoon: spongebob squarepants!

Flower: am okay with flowers. but love them? hmms..

Subject in school: maths; arithmetic. hahas

Colors: pink!

Body part on the opposite sex: eyes. the windows to charm.

TV show: charmed.

Holiday: chinese new year! and x'mas

Book: hmms...

Vacationing Spot: any place with roller coasters!

Thing To Do In The summer: tan. most prob learn how to surf or wakeboard

Thing To Do In The fall: play with fallen leaves! hahas

Thing To Do In The winter: sighh. would love to build my own snowman and make snowballs to throw at pet! hahas


-IN AND AROUND-

The CD Player: empty.

Ever taken a cab? no, i walk. duhh.

What color is your bedroom? lavender.

Do you use an alarm clock? my phone.

Name one thing you are fascinated with: card tricks.

Have you ever skinny-dipped with the opposite sex? when i was young? with my cousins?


-LA LA LAND-


What's your sleeping position? not fixed.

What kind of bed do you like? not too hard, not too soft. just nice.

Even in hot weather do you use a blanket? no. way.

Do you snore? think so. i know pet does!

Do you sleepwalk? dont think so.

Do you talk in your sleep? ehs, im sleeping right? how do u expect me to know? i know pet does.

Do you sleep with stuffed animals? my stuffed animals are sleeping on the shelves

Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on? yupps. the tv watches me as i sleep.

Coke or Pepsi? coke.

Oranges or apples? apples.

One pillow or two? two.

Sunrise or Sunset? sunset. sunrise's too early.

Hamburger or Cheeseburger? cheeseeeeeburger.

Morning or night? night.

Bert or Ernie? ernie!

Dog or Cat? dog.

Bath or shower? shower.

Rain or Snow? rain.


-TELL US ABOUT YOUR FIRSTS...

Kiss? somebody kiss me!!

Day of School? in kiddiegarden? was little ms popular hahahas. cant rmb. just crapping.

Broken Heart? ahh..

Crush? what is this? test of memory?

Most Recent Happy Time? kel and i giving pet a makeover hahas

Most Recent Sad Time? about me being fat =(

Mood Right Now? pissed.


>DESCRIBE YOUR:

[Wallet]: black glossy

[Hairbrush]: pink and white.

[Jewellery worn daily]: eau de naturale

[Pillow cover]: yellow

[Coffee cup]: uh uh. i no drink coffee.

[Shoes]: which one?

[Handbag]: small and purple

[Cologne/Perfume]: estee lauder cant rmb

[Piercings]: just my ears.

[What you are wearing now]: home clothes with my shorts hung v low.

[Hair]: tied.

[Makeup]: eau de naturale!!

[In my head]: wishing that a certain someone's exspecially vital anatomy corroding away. =)

[Wishing]: to be in nyj.

[After this]: huhs?

[Talking to]: no one. i have no friends. boo hooo hooo. hahahas

[Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming months]: making lotsa new friends in jc!

[The last thing you ate?]: siew mai.

[Something that you are deathly afraid of?]: small booobs? hahas no lahhs. kiddin.

[Do you like candles]: neutral.

[Do you like incense]: nope. they make me choke.

[Do you believe in love]: no actually.


[Do you believe in soul mates]: havent met one

[Do you believe in love at first sight]: nope. theres always the person's character to take into consideration.

[Do you believe in forgiveness]: i hope i do

[If you could have any animal for a pet]: hamster!

[What are 3 cities you wouldn't mind relocating to?]: brisbane, can disneyland be counted? hahas and hmmsss... brain freeze

pet just called me! she sounds so cute.. sighh. i miss her. wanna go pick her up frm sch now. sighhh....

fuck. cant some pple be original? am fucking pissed. wtf. go copy someone else. not ME. wheres their sense of originality? if its a thing or two, its still acceptable but fuck, if ya considering to copy almost about everything and using it on other pple. thats it. u totally pissed me off. seriously. u shd know who im talking about. if u dont, dont ask. i wont tell. u shd be smart enough to know for yaself. arghh. am sooo pissed! damn u, i detest u so much that i hope u contract some fatal disease which will hopefully corrode an especially vital anatomy.

yups. got to go iron vanessa's uniform soon. sighh. am exploited by my 'rents to do housework. urkk. its a must do cos if i dont, mum will continue nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging. did i mention shouting? yupps. it gets really spas and i always cant stand it. no point arguing with her cos my dad will enter the pic and he'l scold me for making her make noise. damn. like where's this world going to? i dont get my 2 cents worth of gratitude back and i get scolded instead? unfair. unfair. unfair.

the best is when it comes to washing of clothes. if i wanna change my clothes, i got to wash themselves. wahhs. whats the washing machine for? and my mum's excuse? i still have to wring them to dry and do u know how much my hand hurts blah blah yada yada. same shit. if i do change, i can expect her to be screaming up my ear for changing. cos 1st, im wasting water. 2nd, she sees no need in me to keep on changing my clothes cos no one is gonna notice if i wear the same clothes again... riight 3rd, it would mean more clothes to iron. and the list goes on. fuck. then i'l iron myself lahhs. whats ya prob man?

back to today, was playing with vanessa in church cos i still have no idea whats going on during chinese mass. basically, monkey see monkey do. instinctive. met kel outside church then went to meet my mumsie for breakfast. stupid pet was taking her own sweeet time eating her 2 pathetic pieces of prata. why? cos she was trying to escape cat class which my mum will nv allow to happen. she finished her meal at 1020 and class starts at 1015. how nice. mum was so worried when she jaywalked cross the road. hahas lac lahh. yups. mum left aft throwing me with her barang barang to go cut hair then wait for pet to finish class.

so kel and i walked to northpoint cos we had to get pasta sauce for lunch. had quite a bit of time cos we missed the shuttle bus. decided to play the usual at timezone. 2 dollars each. wanted to play the throw the balls into the teddy's tummy but kel showed me another game. some animal kind of game. wahhs v fun. the game is to try to catch the animal. like ya a ranger in the safari supposed to catch the animal. so i'l drive while kel throws the rope and shoots the net. supposed 2 be played by one person i think. supposed to drive aft the animal and shoot the rope. it actually takes quite a bit of skill to shoot the rope out. the game is very addictive. next time im going to play that again.

went back, cooked pasta with kel's help then went down to the gym to exercise. worked out a bit and caught lizzie mcguire on kids central. stopped exercising completely when i became too hooked up with the indian show on vasantham central. not bad at all. went home and ate. kel didnt wanna go swimming anymore. so decided to use pet as our specimen for make up try outs. hahas we laughed alot cos we did lotsa stuff to her. hahas and the eyeliner i thought i bought was actually a brow liner. hahas damn funny. i didnt know how to draw. so drew her eyebrow damn thick and it looked so droopy hahas she actually had that sad look on her face cos of the brow. not bad. hahas kept on laughing and laughing at pet. shd have seen the look on her face when we destroyed her face. so did lotsa amendments. turned out nice. but except, scrape the brows hahas. mum actually wanted to take pic of pet with the makeup hahahas.

kel went back and we went swimming. b4 i could actually swim, had to rush up. tummy ache. went down. and slacked in the spa. then went for a short swim. surprisingly, water was quite okay. not as cold as i expected it to be. yupps. went to bathe and went home. had kong ba bao for dinner. was v tired aft that so took a short nap when my 'rents went out to go see the sinseh. of cos i woke up when my mum started nagging about me not helping with the housework and going to sleep blah blah blah. yups. so im awake now and all ready to go iron her uniform. only her uniform.

right. shall just do a real quickie cos im rushing to watch the korean show on channel U. yupps. kel came over today and i cooked for her! so great riights! i felt so useful! and when she had to rush off to meet her friend, i help her carry her bag to the door and press the lift for her! wahhs it feels good to be 'used'! hahas

brought pet to sakamoto in teh afternoon. lazed on the red ikea chair. then met my parents to go down to church. met sam aft church, went to some chinatown shack to eat. bloody meal costs 64 dollars. cut throat sia. then go esplanade stroll. was my family's 1st time there hahas. thats about it. super summarised.

one more thing, got a job as a waitress in conrad hotel. hopefully marina mandarin calls me back for a job. more job = more money so im game for it. yupps. and my right tit bled yesterday. kinda gross lahhs. but it did hahas. realised there was this small extra thing on my riight tit. thought it was some pimple so started pulling. hahas its extra flesh! urkk. was painful trying to peel it off. ended up cutting it with a scissors. and that scissors isnt even sterile. wahhs. felt kinda pain at that area. was kind regretting it. hahas was thinking i might just get breast cancer or smth hahaas. mum was rather worried hahas. told her it was no big deal and to just chill. yups now my tit's okay. hahas just got that dried up skin there u know that kinda skin.. kays show's starting. am being disgusting. hey it rhymes! okays tta

just done with survivor all stars. its sad to see rudy go. a true hero indeed. thankfully, ethan is still hanging on. perhaps rudy wouldnt have got booted out if he didnt had his ankle problems. oh wells, survivor is not about alliances but about struggling and manipulating ya way thru to become the sole survivor. hopefully saboga wouldnt have to go to tribal council next week.

and to nic,
ya pissed with me? look, ive had it with all the jokes about me being fat or whatever. its not in me or lets just say it was never in me to feel inferior about myself. but fuck, if u got pple like andrew contantly on ya back telling u ya fat or laughs when u tell him u can get an A for 2.4 km, it totally sucks.

i got my pictures and he said i look like an aunty. wow. nice comments. its not like i dont know that i dont look that nice. but dont dig it in. furthermore, u said i look like a transvetite. but hey, no hard feelings there but all these small comments slowly accumulates and an inferiority complex builds up. it makes me wonder whether u guys are really right. so admitting it will be good right. it makes pple know that i know im not as pretty or whatever. call it self realisation.

and its not about beauty. its about being fat. and yes, i am superficial. that i dont deny. but cant i? im fat fat fat. thats the main thing that brings me down. im ugly because im fat. im frustrated because im fat. and what's wrong with that? no reason for u to get pissed. and hey, i dont even feel like how i felt that day. cos its over. blame it on the pics or whatver. PMS. im a girl. im supposed 2 be unfathomable riights? oof. why do i even bother explaining. i can even predict what u'l say cow, stop being spastic/ retarded

hahas everyone shd go check out william hung
hahas he's definitely one of the best in american idol! hahas

Then.


Now.


my my. what happened to him? he looks so much better last time.

hahas i are hongkie!

exhausted. back frm uncle ronald's berthday dinner. missed ami. cos we had to cut the berthday cake. went out with darren today to look for a job. hahas the 1st one looked haunted and deserted so we decided to scram instead of going in to check. the 2nd 1 at aljunied was erms..not really our kinda job and most of the pple applying were old. went to OG. they didnt want part timers. hahas darren went to the temple to pray. got 9 joss sticks altogether. talk about kiasu. hahas immediately aft praying, god must have answered his prayers cos voila jia qi that girl whom andrew intro-ed thru msn called darren. asked him out on feb the 14. wow. like isnt that valentine's day. think she's crushing on darren. ho ho. ayhs. not in the mood to type.

depressed. yup. the word i was looking for. collected the pictures today. oh my god i look awful. so awful i wanted to cry. i look fat. fat fat fat. it was sooo bad. darren had to choose the 8r for me. urkk. aft seeing all these pictures, it has gone me thinking.. im not just fat, im ugly and short. its the truth. i cant deny. aft taking the pills and putting on ever more weight, i sort of developed a severe inferiority complex and its really bad. i think i look ugly. and there's never a day when i can look into the mirror and tell myself, hey u look nice today. cos lets just face it. ive neither the looks nor the figure. and hey, i might just be one of the ugliest looking people in singapore. just that my friends arnd me are too nice to tell me that. call it self realisation or what. but thats how i feel. fat, ugly and short. yeah. thats me.

and whats the greatest irony about the whole thing. its that i got the bestest buds arnd me who are like the hottest, prettiest and admired most hanging with me. ha ha. i pale away when i stand next to them. looks and figure im no where near. its sad when u know that u are ugly. and i know how it feels. cos im hell of an ugly bitch. tho` i might try to lie to myself that im okay but the fact is im NOT. im the most atrocious, ugliest looking creature that ever walked the planet. how the hell did i lie to myself that i would look nice in the pictures. i was wrong. i look like shit like crap like fuck. what's wrong with me. fuck.

mogo mogo tribe

Top Row (L-R):
Colby Donaldson, Kathy Vavrick-O'Brien, Lex van den Berghe
Bottom Row (L-R):
Shii-Ann Huang, Richard Hatch, Jenna Morasca

chapera tribe

Top Row (L-R):
Rob Cesternino, Amber Brkich, Tom Buchanan, Susan Hawk
Bottom Row (L-R):
Alicia Calaway, Rob Mariano

saboga tribe

Top Row (L-R):
Rudy Boesch, Jenna Lewis, Ethan Zohn
Bottom Row (L-R):
Jerri Manthey, Rupert Boneham, Tina Wesson

hahas richard hatch got bit by an iguana. hahas most probably the iguana couldnt stand the sight of his old dangly dick. chapera, saboga and mogo mogo are the three tribes. chapera and saboga are okay. but mogo mogo? what kind of dumbass name is mogo mogo. might as well name it mojo mojo.

getting cranky here. must be the hard floor i slept on last night. slept in vanessa's small cell room. cept that she slept on the bed while i slept on the floor. urkk. woke up from a bad dream. about chucky. i hate chucky. he haunts me. its stupid getting all worked up by a doll. but he scares me. childhood monster. and i miss my pink blanket. dad calls it a towel with snowflakes cos bits and pieces of my blanket keeps falling apart. now i have no idea where he dumped my blankie to. but if i find out that he threw it away, its gonna be war!

sighh. am gonna teach junior chinese tmr. im his chinese tutor. wth. i dont even know what the pay is like. all my aunt said was to give me some pocket money for his fees. wow. thats nice. doubt it'l be that tought to teach him chinese. i'l just have to get down to basics cos his chinese is the pits. 20ish for chinese exam. my aunt is dead worried. cant help it. its in the blood of all gabrielites to do badly in chinese. why shd he be any different, considering that no one speaks chinese to him. he shd actually take tamil instead since he got soo influenced by the sri lankan maid. oh wells, will just see howw.

looking for a job tmr. darren has yet to give me an answer as to whether he'l be free tmr. arghh. am going mad. staying at home doing nth but lazy idle is killing my brain. think im beginning to think slower. i hate that. hopefully my mentals sums dont slacken. hahas had a great time counting the discounted prices at metro the other day. im sick. but hey, i love calculating. keeps ya brain working.

then again at least there's smth to cheer me up. the tv. there's american idol, survivor and fear factor. all my kinda shows. yummy. paula's becoming a mummy, im utterly shocked and dissapointed with ya lack of disrespect.. blahh blahh. yupps. and colby donaldson is still as charming as ever. BUT, ethan zohn is hotter. purr. nv thought i would like guys with curly hair but he's the man...he's da man! hopefully ethan doesnt get voted out. jenna lewis shd go. she's the one who cause them to lose. that woman whose mouth is too big. all talk and more talk. no action. i cant get the stick out! its stuck! fuck yaself. u stucked it in there. no wonder she's blonde. dumb blonde. rupert and ethan all the way! muacks! hahas am losing my head. peace out.

the guy was riight. i cant do serious. urkk.

eek. i hate looking fat.

dum di dum dum dum. went for the makeover today!! not bad. was fun. the makeup is thick. real thick. kel and i started 1st cos em was late. i was the 1st to start. wahhs. the mascara was really thick. it made my eyelids feel heavy and hahas ive got thinner brows now! yups. had to wear long sleeve clothes cos gotta cover my arm. my fat arm. the lady did this hairdo for me. hard to explain lahhs. but bottom part was curly. yupps. then went in to take my photos! had to follow the photographer. whatever he does, i must follow. like simon says. hahas bend here bend there. must smile widely. could hear em when i was taking my pics. she just came. apparently, she got lost in seiyu hahas. yups. when i came out aft my 1st 7 shots, kel was straightening her hair. lady did a straight hairdo for her. hahas kel wore this denim tube and had to have her ears clipped behind with scotch tape cos erms apparently her ears were too big hahas.

had to wait for kel to finish her makeup and go take her pictures while em had another lady do her makeup for her. em wore the sexy black dress she wore during the sec4 councillors' farewell party. real smooth. she looked really different. really. the lady placed alot of focus on her eyes. looked v asian. em had to put on fake eyelashes cos hers was too short. kel and i didnt have to. not fair. and we paid the same price for that package. unfair! yupps. em spent a really long time with her makeup. so i had my 2nd outfit and changed my makeup, my hairdo and went in for my remaining 7 shots. my hair was styled like those prom kind. v puffy and curly on the top. quite coporate looking. yups. came out. and em was still doing her makeup. kel went in for her 2nd shot. wahhs looked quite gothic. makeup was rather dark.

waited for em to finish her 14 shots b4 we could take our combined shot. 3 altogether. cos i reserved one last shot for the grp picture and they 2. so had 3. haahs the guy wanted us to look serious and smile at certian pictures. hahas couldnt do the serious look thing. think that pic will turn out horrible. yupps. that guy gave us an extra shot. so 4 grp shots altogether wonder how it'l turn out. the makeup lady asked me not to sit in the grp pic. cos maybe she thinks i'l look even shorter if i sit. ohyahhs. em's 2nd hairdo was cool. a bun at the back ans a swayed fringe hahas she wanted it that way cos quite manga style. looked nice. sighh. most of my pics are me smiling away cos i couldnt do that serious look thing. while em's mostly was serious cos she couldnt smile hahas only kel got balance. both serious and smiling. guy said i couldnt do serious cos i had that pissed look if i did it. yupps.

aft paying, we went to take neoprint. urkk. everyone was staring and bitching about us. like we were freaks frm outerspace. took two pics and faster left. was too embarrassing. wanted to eat at simply thai but em couldnt afford. while we were walking out this stupid girl said em look like a ghost. maybe cos em's foundation too thick or too white or smth. but thats v mean. i bet she'l look worse if she did a makeover. yups. then we went to the hawker centre at bugis street to eat and went home. luckily not too many pple in the train or not we'l be getting wierd stares again. kays. that shd wrap up my day. parents are at suntec looking at cars. must hurry go bathe cos my eyelashes are drooping down.

wee! back frm shopping! went to metro marina yesterday with my parents, emipet aka fishcake aka vanessa, sam and his family. bought clothes again. spent about 100++. hahas oops. most of the money spent was on me. couldnt help it tho`. the sales was just too tempting. yups.

today, went to celebrate kel's berthday at Lagun Sari indonesian restaurant. we had a-la-carte buffet. one person 13.90++. tragic. got about 20 plus dishes to choose frm. ate abit here abit there with rice and we were stuff-ed. couldnt eat anymore. yups added to a total of 80 dollars. not sure why. have to pay for the wet tissues and the appetizers. only 4 of us went. t3 and sam. aft that, em went home to finish her art work. while the 3 of us went to bugis. went to bugis street to look for sling bags. am considering to get the 15 dollars bag instead of the 28 dollars. cos the other one is cheaper. =0). times are bad. hahas. yups. wanted to watch stuck on you. but the showtimes were too late. so went down to city hall. i wanted to go explore the esplanade so sam and kel obliged. wahhs the scenery at the roof terrace is neat. v nice. then i saw that new year thingy infront of ritz carlton millenia. been wanting to go to that new year thing for v long. hahas was supposed to go those boats to clarke quay but since waste of money, we didnt. walked arnd that new year thingy. nth much. was a tad bit tempted to go try the rides but decided not to cos i just ate. might just vomit everything out.

the place was v stuffy so we went to ritz carlton millenia to explore. hahas. had this urge to explore. wahhs. the place is still as nice as ever. good ambience hahas. wanted to go see the pool but it was at the ballroom area and there were pple at the area so we didnt go see. was too scared to go. then went to marina sq where we went to watch stuck on you. i like the show. funny but heartwarming. walked somemore. then we headed off to eat mee tai mak. not bad not bad. cant update anymore. gotta go talk to kel.